Random Fortran humor

Humor
1

I’ve had this hanging on my wall (cubicle, home) for many, many years.

IMG_6574
IMG_6574768×1024 107 KB

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2

I love that old-time Fortran code (YouTube) is a song to the tune of Bob Seger’s hit Old Time Rock & Roll (1978).

Applied Research Holiday Show Dec '23
Lyrics by John Wullert
Performers: Murray Spiegel, John Wullert

Just take those old floppies off the shelf
My old computer boots up by itself
Today’s systems ain’t got the same soul
I like that old-fashioned Fortran code

Don’t want to hear you mention C++
Folks love them objects I say what’s all the fuss?
You say inheritance, [and] I wanna cuss
I like that old-time Fortran code

Still like that old-time Fortran code
That kind of program just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran code

There’s folks who like to write their scripts in Perl
For parsing text, maybe you’ll give it a whirl
For other tasks it might just cause you to hurl
I like that old-time Fortran code

I know that Python’s getting all the hype
No declarations with dynamic types
That’s only one of my list of gripes
I like that old-time Fortran code

Still like that old-time Fortran code
Just calling subroutines can soothe the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran code

Still like that old-time Fortran code
It does arrays in ways that soothe the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran code

Now there’s another new technology
So I’ve been checking out ChatGPT
It has a feature that looks good to me
For auto-generating Fortran code

Still like that old-time Fortran code
GOTOs and labels they soothe the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran code

Still like that old-time Fortran code
That kind of program just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran code

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3

https://twitter.com/JBezivin/status/1783185980406505936

The first exam I gave as a young teacher:

”Write a Fortran program to compute n!”

One student answered:

”read n
write n”

Complained about bad mark because he
thought the exclamation mark meant
that the problem was so triviously simple.

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4

Somewhat similar, but pertinent to mathematics rather than programming:

https://percentagecalculator.mes.fm/img/memes/find-x-here-it-is.jpg

[Please overlook the fact that the figure is not consistent with the dimensions stated. The base, for instance, appears nearly double the height, instead of being 4/3 of the height.]

3 Likes