I’ve had this hanging on my wall (cubicle, home) for many, many years.
13 Likes
I love that old-time Fortran code (YouTube) is a song to the tune of Bob Seger’s hit Old Time Rock & Roll (1978).
Applied Research Holiday Show Dec '23
Lyrics by John Wullert
Performers: Murray Spiegel, John WullertJust take those old floppies off the shelf
My old computer boots up by itself
Today’s systems ain’t got the same soul
I like that old-fashioned Fortran codeDon’t want to hear you mention C++
Folks love them objects I say what’s all the fuss?
You say inheritance, [and] I wanna cuss
I like that old-time Fortran codeStill like that old-time Fortran code
That kind of program just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran codeThere’s folks who like to write their scripts in Perl
For parsing text, maybe you’ll give it a whirl
For other tasks it might just cause you to hurl
I like that old-time Fortran codeI know that Python’s getting all the hype
No declarations with dynamic types
That’s only one of my list of gripes
I like that old-time Fortran codeStill like that old-time Fortran code
Just calling subroutines can soothe the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran codeStill like that old-time Fortran code
It does arrays in ways that soothe the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran codeNow there’s another new technology
So I’ve been checking out ChatGPT
It has a feature that looks good to me
For auto-generating Fortran codeStill like that old-time Fortran code
GOTOs and labels they soothe the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran codeStill like that old-time Fortran code
That kind of program just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old-time Fortran code
10 Likes
https://twitter.com/JBezivin/status/1783185980406505936
The first exam I gave as a young teacher:
”Write a Fortran program to compute n!”
One student answered:
”read n
write n”Complained about bad mark because he
thought the exclamation mark meant
that the problem was so triviously simple.
3 Likes
Somewhat similar, but pertinent to mathematics rather than programming:
https://percentagecalculator.mes.fm/img/memes/find-x-here-it-is.jpg
[Please overlook the fact that the figure is not consistent with the dimensions stated. The base, for instance, appears nearly double the height, instead of being 4/3 of the height.]
3 Likes
A hit song from 1950, https://youtu.be/1FdWRsHeV98, in which you can insert “FORTRAN code” for the signature side-effect.
2 Likes
Too bad it constitutes a copyright violation to modify and upload this …
On the flip side of that – after grinding through two rather difficult problems (no calculators allowed back then) in a three hour exam early in my freshman year and getting to a third essay question I tried my best to answer the last question – “Define the Universe and give three examples.” I threw in some possibilities including information on the then brand-new “string” theory that had evolved from descriptions of the strong nuclear force, what would now be described as a multiverse theory and how time might be an illusion and how our universe might exist on the event horizon of a black hole, …
These were all very new proposals for the most part at the time and I was feeling rather good about the answer until the Professor held up my paper after I had turned it in and held it up and laughed and said “and someone actually tried to answer the third question!” which had been placed there for comic relief for anyone completing the first two. I got harassed for several days with questions like “which Universe are you in today.?” and so on. Learned a lot about College and Professors that day, but not much that had to do with physics 
Still makes me blush a bit that I had sincerly tried to answer the question, totally missing it was a joke. It was an experimental course where three Professors (The Calculus, Physics, Fortran) integrated their lessons so a problem you got in physics you solved mathematically and with a program and vice-versa that really worked for me but that they dropped and never did again that I know of but I remember fondly except for that little incident. During the test you gave a mathematical solution to the problems but then afterward you wrote a program solving the same problem, so it did involve Fortran (the only higher level language we used at the time). So apparently Time does change things.
4 Likes
A FORTRAN anthem:
From the heady days of 1977, when FORTRAN had a new, “classic”, standard and was the undisputed heavyweight of programming languages, one song by Jamaican duo Althea and Donna became a surprise hit in England. Uptown Top Ranking, with its signature chorus Nah pop, no style, I strictly roots, captures the soul of the programming language we deeply appreciate and, dare I say, love.
See me in me heels and ting
Dem check, sey we hip and ting
True dem no know an’ting
We have dem going and tingNah pop no style, I strictly roots
Nah pop no style, I strictly rootsSee me 'pon de road, I ‘earin’ you call out to me
True you see me in m’pants and ting
See me in me ‘alter back
Sey me gi’ you 'eart attack
Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist
Uptown top rankingSee me in m’Benz and ting, oh
Drivin’ tru Constant Spring
Dem check sey me come from Cosmo Spring
But a true dem no know an’ting
Dem no know sey we top rankin’, oh
Uptown top rankin’Shoulda see me and de rankin’ dread, oh
Check ‘ow we jammin’ and ting
Love is all I bring
Inna m’khaki suit and tingNah pop no style, I strictly roots
Nah pop no style, I strictly rootsWatch 'ow we chuck it and ting
Inna we khaki suit and ting
Love is all I bring
Inna m’khaki suit and tingNah pop no style, I strictly roots
Nah pop no style, I strictly rootsLove inna you 'eart, dis a bawl out fe me
When you see me in m’pants and ting, oh
See me in me ‘alter back
Sey me gi’ you ‘eart attack
Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist
Uptown top rankin’, ohSee me 'pon the road and ‘earin’ you call out to me
True you see me in m’pants and ting, oh
See me inna me ‘alter back
Sey me gi’ you 'eart attackGimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist
Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist
Love is all I bring
Inna m’khaki suit and tingNah pop no style, I strictly roots
Nah pop no style, I strictly rootsYou shoulda see me and de rankin’ dread, oh
Check ‘ow we jammin’ and ting
Love is all I bring
Inna m’khaki suit and tingMe nah pop no style, dat true, I strictly roots
