# Random Fortran humor **URL:** \ **Category:** Humor\ **Created:** [December 26, 2023, 11:51pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053 "2023-12-26T23:51:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sblionel](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/fortran-lang.discourse.group/sblionel/32/853_2.png) [@sblionel](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/sblionel)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2023, 11:51pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/1 "2023-12-26T23:51:27Z")
I’ve had this hanging on my wall (cubicle, home) for many, many years. ![IMG_6574](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/free1/uploads/fortran_lang/original/2X/7/79ebc007d9ebf591326ca52be91f8dbdc5cdfbc6.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![Beliavsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Beliavsky](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/Beliavsky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2023, 1:19am UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/2 "2023-12-27T01:19:57Z")
[I love that old-time Fortran code](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUARFa1b3e0) (YouTube) is a song to the tune of Bob Seger’s hit [Old Time Rock & Roll (1978)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1LsRShUPtY). > Applied Research Holiday Show Dec '23 > Lyrics by John Wullert > Performers: Murray Spiegel, John Wullert > > Just take those old floppies off the shelf > My old computer boots up by itself > Today’s systems ain’t got the same soul > I like that old-fashioned Fortran code > > Don’t want to hear you mention C++ > Folks love them objects I say what’s all the fuss? > You say inheritance, [and] I wanna cuss > I like that old-time Fortran code > > Still like that old-time Fortran code > That kind of program just soothes the soul > I reminisce about the days of old > With that old-time Fortran code > > There’s folks who like to write their scripts in Perl > For parsing text, maybe you’ll give it a whirl > For other tasks it might just cause you to hurl > I like that old-time Fortran code > > I know that Python’s getting all the hype > No declarations with dynamic types > That’s only one of my list of gripes > I like that old-time Fortran code > > Still like that old-time Fortran code > Just calling subroutines can soothe the soul > I reminisce about the days of old > With that old-time Fortran code > > Still like that old-time Fortran code > It does arrays in ways that soothe the soul > I reminisce about the days of old > With that old-time Fortran code > > Now there’s another new technology > So I’ve been checking out ChatGPT > It has a feature that looks good to me > For auto-generating Fortran code > > Still like that old-time Fortran code > GOTOs and labels they soothe the soul > I reminisce about the days of old > With that old-time Fortran code > > Still like that old-time Fortran code > That kind of program just soothes the soul > I reminisce about the days of old > With that old-time Fortran code ---
**Author:** ![Beliavsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Beliavsky](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/Beliavsky)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2024, 12:24pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/3 "2024-04-25T12:24:40Z")
[https://twitter.com/JBezivin/status/1783185980406505936](https://twitter.com/JBezivin/status/1783185980406505936) > The first exam I gave as a young teacher: > > ”Write a Fortran program to compute n!” > > One student answered: > > ”read n > write n” > > Complained about bad mark because he > thought the exclamation mark meant > that the problem was so triviously simple. ---
**Author:** ![mecej4](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/fortran-lang.discourse.group/mecej4/32/855_2.png) [@mecej4](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/mecej4)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2024, 12:45pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/4 "2024-04-25T12:45:33Z")
Somewhat similar, but pertinent to mathematics rather than programming: [https://percentagecalculator.mes.fm/img/memes/find-x-here-it-is.jpg](https://percentagecalculator.mes.fm/img/memes/find-x-here-it-is.jpg) [Please overlook the fact that the figure is not consistent with the dimensions stated. The base, for instance, appears nearly double the height, instead of being 4/3 of the height.] ---
**Author:** ![themos](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/fortran-lang.discourse.group/themos/32/521_2.png) [@themos](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/themos)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2026, 3:35pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/5 "2026-10-01T15:35:02Z")
A hit song from 1950, [https://youtu.be/1FdWRsHeV98](https://youtu.be/1FdWRsHeV98), in which you can insert “FORTRAN code” for the signature side-effect. ---
**Author:** ![fxm](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/fortran-lang.discourse.group/fxm/32/5726_2.png) [@fxm](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/fxm)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2026, 4:28pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/6 "2026-10-01T16:28:55Z")
Too bad it constitutes a copyright violation to modify and upload this … ---
**Author:** ![urbanjost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/0ea827/32.png) [@urbanjost](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/urbanjost)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2026, 5:47pm UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/7 "2026-10-01T17:47:47Z")
On the flip side of that – after grinding through two rather difficult problems (no calculators allowed back then) in a three hour exam early in my freshman year and getting to a third essay question I tried my best to answer the last question – “Define the Universe and give three examples.” I threw in some possibilities including information on the then brand-new “string” theory that had evolved from descriptions of the strong nuclear force, what would now be described as a multiverse theory and how time might be an illusion and how our universe might exist on the event horizon of a black hole, … These were all very new proposals for the most part at the time and I was feeling rather good about the answer until the Professor held up my paper after I had turned it in and held it up and laughed and said “and someone actually tried to answer the third question!” which had been placed there for comic relief for anyone completing the first two. I got harassed for several days with questions like “which Universe are you in today.?” and so on. Learned a lot about College and Professors that day, but not much that had to do with physics 🙂 Still makes me blush a bit that I had sincerly tried to answer the question, totally missing it was a joke. It was an experimental course where three Professors (The Calculus, Physics, Fortran) integrated their lessons so a problem you got in physics you solved mathematically and with a program and vice-versa that really worked for me but that they dropped and never did again that I know of but I remember fondly except for that little incident. During the test you gave a mathematical solution to the problems but then afterward you wrote a program solving the same problem, so it did involve Fortran (the only higher level language we used at the time). So apparently Time does change things. ---
**Author:** ![themos](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/fortran-lang.discourse.group/themos/32/521_2.png) [@themos](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/u/themos)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2026, 9:31am UTC](https://fortran-lang.discourse.group/t/random-fortran-humor/7053/8 "2026-10-09T09:31:56Z")
**A FORTRAN anthem** : From the heady days of 1977, when FORTRAN had a new, “classic”, standard and was the undisputed heavyweight of programming languages, one song by Jamaican duo Althea and Donna became a surprise hit in England. **Uptown Top Ranking** , with its signature chorus _ **Nah pop, no style, I strictly roots** _, captures the soul of the programming language we deeply appreciate and, dare I say, love. > See me in me heels and ting > Dem check, sey we hip and ting > True dem no know an’ting > We have dem going and ting > > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > > See me 'pon de road, I ‘earin’ you call out to me > True you see me in m’pants and ting > See me in me ‘alter back > Sey me gi’ you 'eart attack > Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist > Uptown top ranking > > See me in m’Benz and ting, oh > Drivin’ tru Constant Spring > Dem check sey me come from Cosmo Spring > But a true dem no know an’ting > Dem no know sey we top rankin’, oh > Uptown top rankin’ > > Shoulda see me and de rankin’ dread, oh > Check ‘ow we jammin’ and ting > Love is all I bring > Inna m’khaki suit and ting > > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > > Watch 'ow we chuck it and ting > Inna we khaki suit and ting > Love is all I bring > Inna m’khaki suit and ting > > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > > Love inna you 'eart, dis a bawl out fe me > When you see me in m’pants and ting, oh > See me in me ‘alter back > Sey me gi’ you ‘eart attack > Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist > Uptown top rankin’, oh > > See me 'pon the road and ‘earin’ you call out to me > True you see me in m’pants and ting, oh > See me inna me ‘alter back > Sey me gi’ you 'eart attack > > Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist > Gimme little bass, make m’wine up m’waist > Love is all I bring > Inna m’khaki suit and ting > > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > Nah pop no style, I strictly roots > > You shoulda see me and de rankin’ dread, oh > Check ‘ow we jammin’ and ting > Love is all I bring > Inna m’khaki suit and ting > > Me nah pop no style, dat true, I strictly roots [![](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/free1/uploads/fortran_lang/original/2X/6/61138aabdc5c07b520b54ef0fbf86d65a5617c76.jpeg "Althea & Donna - Uptown Top Ranking") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joh37lrvf-s)